What are you engaged with?
Engagement, as in the opposite of quiet, passive, endless consumption
Engagement:
An arrangement to meet or be present at a specified time and place
Emotional involvement or commitment
Greetings, good people of the internet. I am looking for engagement. I’m having a hard time finding it, especially online.
Which is odd, because whenever I leave my house, most human beings that I see are staring deeply into the eyes of their phones. People driving, people shopping in stores, people eating at restaurants, people in parks, people walking their dogs.
When I go on a walk in my neighborhood, I encounter one or two people on most blocks I walk down. It used to be that I would look up and smile, nod, or say hello to that person, whether I knew them or not. I would simply acknowledge the other humans’ existence, as they would acknowledge mine. A fleeting moment of humanity and community. A blip of engagement.
You exist, I exist. Here, we exist.
This seems to have changed.
Now, when I go on a walk and I see anyone that appears to be under the age of 50, I don’t bother trying to say hello because they won’t even look up from their phone in my direction. I can walk within six inches of a person and they will not acknowledge me. If you live in a busy urban area like Manhattan, this is the norm. It’s survival. But in a residential neighborhood, this is a big change from how it used to be. I know that makes me sound old. I don’t care.
When I see people out in public, I’d say 80% or more of them are looking at their phones. In my neighborhood, most people I see have their dogs’ leash(es) in one hand, and a phone in the other.
In fact, it often looks like people are out for a walk with their phones, and they are dragging their dog along so it can get its business done. Not the other way around.
Now, I don’t have a dog, but I do go on many walks, and I look forward to going on walks as a nice break from looking at any sort of screen. Personally, I go outside to look at the sky, the trees, the birds, to notice what’s blooming, what’s different from the day before. I like to give trees a high five and talk to the neighborhood cats, hoping to get a little back-and-forth meow conversation to happen.
I want to ask the dog and phone folks: If dog walking is another opportunity to look at your phone, do you ever just look around outside? When do you look up to see what’s around you? Are you noticing anything about the natural world, other than the poop you’re (hopefully) scooping?
A few weeks ago I saw a woman pushing a stroller with a baby in it, and a man walking closely behind her, staring at his phone. I made many assumptions about this man, including that he was the father/partner, and I had to stop myself from popping off at a stranger.
Honk if you’ve had this happen to you:
You’re the second car waiting at a stop light. The light turns green and you count: one one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand, four one-thousand, five one-thousand… and the car in front of you remains stock still.
I wait a reasonable amount of time, then I give a little friendly toot-toot, like, Hey pal, so sorry to bother you, but it’s our turn to drive our cars down the road, and by the way, when you’re driving a vehicle YOU HAVE ONE JOB!
Recently I saw a woman in the driver’s seat of a car known to have a self-driving mode, and she was looking down at her phone texting with both hands. I mean, I guess?
To me, taking a walk and driving are two activities that do not include looking at my phone. Clearly I’m in the minority. So, for everyone else, what are the daily activities that allow for no-phone time? Showering? Sleeping? Sex?
Don’t answer that last question, I don’t want to know.
Is your phone your very best friend?
Is it the first thing you reach for when you wake up? Do you take it for walks, do you take it out to dinner? Do you hold hands with it at the movies? When you’re not with it, can you not stop thinking about it? Is it the last thing you caress before you go to sleep?
I love YOU more! No, YOU hang up!
Given that I observe people being so engaged with their phones that they’re ignoring once-important things like their dogs, dates, and stop lights, I wonder what it is they are looking at that is so engrossing. Because most of what I find online is not that compelling.
I stopped posting and scrolling on IG on January 20th of this year and I do not miss it. When I scroll through Substack notes sometimes, I find myself rolling my eyes at the weird algorithm. Yes, at least it’s ad-free (for now) and seemingly less nefarious than other algorithms, but it’s still pretty ham-handed. I never scroll for long because I get bored of what it shows me.
So, what are people so engrossed with that they can’t put their phones down? Show me where the good stuff is, because I can’t find it.
I came to Substack looking for the good stuff. For a few months, I was heartened. There is a lot to like about this app! I have engaged with some great writing. There are world-class creators here. I’ve gotten to know a few friends better through their writing. Just the other day, I discovered someone’s Substack which had me laughing out loud by myself.
I also wanted to create some of the good stuff, which is hard to do when know one sees it. Substack solves this! Each post is emailed to your subscribers, meaning they are notified of your writing. As someone who left IG, this was a big issue, as IG only shows your posts to a fraction of the people who follow you. On Substack, all of your subscribers will know when you post. Wonderful! I thought. Soon I will experience the engagement I desire!
Has that come to pass? Not exactly.
I have read the conventional wisdom, in several places, that says only a fraction of people who read what you write will actually like it and even fewer people will bother to comment. But don’t let that discourage you! they say. People are reading!
So what that means is, I may get a teeny bit of engagement, but I shan’t expect very much, and I should be happy about what I do get. Keep writing!
You know what? That’s not good enough for me.
If you have the time to read all the way through something I’ve written, possibly ignoring stoplights and your dogs or infant children in the process, then you have two seconds to hit the heart button. If something I wrote resonated with you, take 30 seconds to leave a comment.
Listen, I want to pull you aside and say I’m not yelling at you, but maybe I am. Hit the heart button. People love to gamify things, so use the heart button as a way to say “DONE. I read it!” And give yourself a point if that’s what you need.
If you hated or disagreed with what you read - yet you read the entire thing - then don’t hit the heart button but DO leave a comment and tell a person your hot take.
Don’t just do this for me. Do this for everyone.
One wonderful thing Substack has done is reverse the current trend that everything on the internet should be free. Writing takes work, and access to interesting writing has its benefits. Substack normalizes paying people for their creative work. HALLELUJAH. Super extra thank you to my paid subscribers for putting value to what I share.
If you can’t or don’t want to pay, that’s fine. It’s totally free to hit the heart button and leave a comment.
Engage.
This is not just about me pandering for seal claps and validation. I truly want to engage with awake, alive, aware people. Show some signs of life!
You exist, I exist. Here, we exist.
If you’re not ENGAGING with what you’re reading or watching, then you’re just consuming content, which is gross. Do something more interesting with your life.
I’m looking for reciprocity. Engagement. Presence. Involvement. I’m not convinced it exists in many places right now, particularly online. It’s not the internet’s fault. I used to work for LiveJournal in the early 2000s and there was a ton of engagement there.
This is more about the modern condition of quiet, passive, endless consumption.
I have lots more to say about engagement, but this is enough for now.
If you need me, I’ll be outside high-fiving trees and talking to the neighborhood cats.
Mr. Doe proofread and approves of this message. If you need him, he’ll be standing around in a field with his horse or taking a walk with me.
Today, the clouds are stunning as usual.
As ever excellent food for thought. Thank you! I had so many thoughts come up but will limit myself to just a couple. In my most recent post I wrote about how the young man who loaded my hay and feed at Callahan’s last week was so pleasant. He really engaged and it literally made my entire day better. I happened to have the good luck of seeing him again today and this time I asked his name and I told him how much his pleasant demeanor made a difference. It was just great. What I didn’t tell him is that I’m really struggling right now (same old ongoing cPTSD cycle of depression) and so it wasn’t merely that he made my day nicer, he actually gave me hope. This, in turn, reminded me a a great essay I read—here is a gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/11/well/become-a-regular-loneliness.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Tk8.9U6M.IUgQqRrZ2mlH&smid=url-share— about becoming a regular someplace. I have a few places I visit regularly. A couple of Juiceland locations and Once Over Coffee. Seeing the same people has a magical effect. As an older, post-pandemic introvert, my forays out into the world have diminished tremendously. Knowing I have these places where I can engage is so helpful. I am so grateful for the kindness of the juicers and baristas. I also love to engage with strangers when I am out walking and, like you, find fewer opportunities to do so because of screens. One place I find that screens seem to be less in use is Barton Springs (though of course there are always people to be found doing “sexy selfies”). I go to the Springs several times per week and make a point of finding folks to share a smile with. Thanks for another great installment.